Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
