Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
