her vagine was all disorganized.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
