i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
