There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
