hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What drink are we having for lunch?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize