Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
