i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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