and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
