he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
