Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
