next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize