my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
