The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
