So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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