Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
