I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
