It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
