This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize