I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
