oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
