my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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