I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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