the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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