dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
