I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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