Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
