according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
