so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
