dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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