We won't sleep together?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
