No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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