Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
