so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
