i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
