I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
