..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
