I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
