our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
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Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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