Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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