Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
