I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize