I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
