When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
