i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
