I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
