Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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