Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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