Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
