this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
