she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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