that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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