im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
