just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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