ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love having hate sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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