My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize