I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
