Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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