dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
