Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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