She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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