WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
