Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
