Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
