Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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