it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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