Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
