I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
