I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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