ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
