capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So many bounce houses so little time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
