I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
