New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
