so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
