so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
