do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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